Imperfectly Perfect

Most days, I feel a lot of pressure to be perfect. 

Do you feel it too? 

Sometimes it feels like this pressure is coming in from all sides.  Pressure to wear clothes not covered in peanut butter and finger paint, pressure to work out and be thin, pressure to have a perfectly clean house, pressure to prepare a well balanced meal every night, pressure to have perfect kids who always say cute and charming things when the grandparents are visiting, and who never scream at the doctor's office.

Society doesn't cut us much of a break.  Everywhere we turn, there's more pressure to be perfect, another opportunity to compare our life to someone else, and to beat ourselves up for falling short.
Did  you know that "Pinterest Stress", is really a thing?  Sad but true.  TODAY issued a survey to over 7,000 moms across the United States, and found that 42% of participating moms said that Pinterest gave them anxiety.  Interestingly, 3/4 of the moms who felt stressed by Pinterest admitted that the majority of the perfection pressure they feel from Pinterest is self-inflicted.  Wow!  Why do we do this to ourselves?  (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/11/pinterest-stress-moms-social-media_n_3253475.html)

Can we learn to be happy with ourselves and our lives exactly as we are? 
I'm all for self-improvement and for setting goals, but is there a way to feel good about ourselves during the process? 

I love this quote by George Bernard Shaw.

" A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."

Who came up with the hurtful lie that making mistakes or falling short were terrible things?  Making mistakes is a perfect time to take a step back, reevaluate, find a fresh perspective, and try again.

Today, choose to take it easy on yourself.  Success lies not in doing things perfectly, but in doing our very best.  And friends, you're doing so much better than you think! 

Focus on the dozens of little successes that are yours each day. It's amazing the lift that comes when we stop beating ourselves up for not being perfect, and instead congratulate ourselves for doing our best. 

So you made very forgettable, way too thin and flat, cookies for your church cookie exchange, (true life story, I lose my ability to bake on this night every year), celebrate that you found time in your busy day to bake at all, and that you got to spend a happy couple of hours with your friends eating cookies.  So you packed Skittles for your kids "healthy snack" at school, and got a note from his teacher asking you to please send something healthier next time.  Celebrate the fact that 90% of the time, you opt for carrots or an apple, and even occasionally you amaze yourself and your kids by sending homemade muffins. 

We're all working to be our best, but it's ok to not be perfect today.  Keep on trying, and allow yourself to think that sometimes imperfect can be pretty perfect.

Case in Point:

Several months ago, with my four youngest in tow, I set off with high hopes, determined to have an adventure.  I wanted to immortalize this moment of spending quality, creative, time with my kiddos, with a photo.  All I wanted was five seconds of commitment from these kids.  Five seconds to look at the camera and smile.  I remember feeling frustrated at how difficult it was to convince these excited, wiggly, kids to stand still long enough for me to snap a good picture  After several failed attempts, I gave up on the idea of a perfect picture.  I put away my phone, and we went on with our day.  Later on, looking back through my pictures, I realized that this crazy, rushed, selfie, with Jonah making his signature, "I hate posing for pictures", silly face,  and the baby's face half cut out of the frame, I realized that this was one imperfectly perfect picture!  Look at Lottie's bright blue, inquisitive eyes.  Jonah's face is pretty hilarious, and even though it wasn't the perfect picture that I was hoping for, this is a moment with my crazy kids that I am so happy to have captured!

Let go of the pressure to be perfect.  Keeping on trucking!  You are an enormous success just for loving, for accepting, for picking yourself up when you fail, and continuing to TRY every day.

Today's a new day; let's make it purposeful!
Kara

Every Day A Holiday

Do you dress your family in matching red, white, and blue, patriotic paraphernalia every Fourth of July?  Are you guilty of stocking your freezer full of Cadbury chocolate eggs at Easter time, leaving up your Christmas tree much longer than is socially acceptable, or getting excited when you realize that July 11th, (7/11), is coming up, because a free Slurpee is absolutely something to celebrate?

I love holidays!  I love celebrating simple, meaningful traditions with friends and family.  I'm too impatient to wait for Valentines to roll around after New Years.  The months between July 4th and Halloween are much too long.  I just can't wait to for the next holiday to come around.  So, I don't!

I know what you're thinking.  "What more do you want?  The calendar is already littered with holidays like: Secretary's Day, National Hot Dog Day, Arbor Day, Scrabble Day, Barbershop Quartet Day, and National Doughnut Day."  While I certainly appreciate a day that gives me a really good excuse to eat a doughnut, it's just not enough.  I want more!

Why can't every day be a holiday?  I am thinking of a different kind of celebration.  A celebration simply because it's a new day, a celebration of the million simple, little, details that make up a day.  Your day.

The simplest, happy moment in your day can warrant a celebration.  Something as random as Hummus going on sale.  (I really like Hummus.)  Make up a batch of homemade Naan.  Look up a few facts on a country where this might be a regular meal, and have a cultural night celebration for dinner.  (Try this recipe!  http://allrecipes.com/recipe/14565/naan/)

On an extra windy day, pick up a couple $2.00 kites at the store, and make it "Kite Day", or buy, (or make), a pinwheel, and talk to your kids about wind power and windmills.  
(Try these!  http://www.marthastewart.com/272283/paper-pinwheels)

A rainy day doesn't have to mean that your stuck inside with nothing to do.  A rainy day is one of my favorite excuses to celebrate!  A rainy day could become, "Snuggle Up With a Good Book and Your Favorite Blanket Day." 

My two year old loves rainy days, because she knows that the perfect muddy puddle always appears on our front walk.  In fact, on sunny days when no puddle is to be seen, Lottie will walk by the spot, and with a sad sigh and longing in her eyes, say, "the puddle dried up". 

My 18 year old daughter still talks about how much she remembers loving the "Rainy Sunday Box", from her childhood.  This box couldn't have been more simple: maybe a few toys from the dollar store, a box of new crayons and a few coloring books, and some small treats, in an attempt to make a long, rainy, Sunday afternoon become a little more exciting for my kids.  This simple box, kept hidden until it happened to rain on a Sunday, was exciting and special to my kids, and made a rainy day something worth celebrating.

The secret is to celebrate the everyday, celebrate the simple, celebrate the beautiful that every day brings.
 
Why not add a few new holidays of your own to the calendar? 

Today's a new day; let's make it purposeful!
Kara

5 Everyday Ways We Can Help Our Kids Feel Joy

It's a tough job being a kid. 

Seven hours of school a day, five days a week, homework, basketball practice, chess club, music lessons, chores, recitals and tutor sessions, girl scouts and 4H.  With such overloaded schedules, free time has become a rare commodity for our kids.  Often, when kids do have some time to kill, they choose to fill it with video games or TV. 

Cruising through their days at such a frantic pace, can make it difficult for kids to find time to feel much of anything, aside from exhausted.  I wonder if, with all the busyness, we are forgetting to make time to show our kids some of the more subtle, beautiful sights and sounds and feelings that one day can offer, that can generally only be found if we slow down a little, and look for them.  How can we make time everyday to help our children feel joy?

It doesn't take much time or energy to try these,

5 simple, everyday ways, to help our kids feel real JOY.

1.  Take The Time To Really See, Not Just Look

With such busy schedules, running home from school to grab a snack, and change into your baseball uniform, then back out to the car, little time is left for our kids to see, hear, and feel, the joy that is abundant, and there for the taking. 

Thich Nhat Nanh said, "The present moment is filled with joy and happiness.  If you are attentive, you will see it."

That is the secret!  We can teach our kids to slow down, to notice, and to appreciate the little things.  Something as simple as pointing out the beauty of the clouds, or the sound the wind is making in the trees, as we walk from the car to an appointment, or taking a three minute detour on your walk home from school to run through a pile of leaves, or to throw a few snowballs. 

Often, joy is found in the details.

John Calvin said it well:

"There is not one blade of grass, there is no color in this world, that is not intended to make us rejoice"

How much more purposeful and joyful can we make each day, each moment, when we teach our kids to slow down and notice, to not just look, but to really see?

2.  Laugh

It's not uncommon for our kids to feel rundown and a little stressed out, by all the demands on their time.  What is more effective at diffusing stress and lightening the mood, than laughter?   We can keep conversation light and positive at the dinner table.  Share favorite old jokes from your childhood.  Admit it, "Knock, knock. Who's there? Dwain.  Dwain, who?  Dwain the bathtub, I'm dwownding." never gets old.  Making time to interact, be a little silly, and laugh, can lighten the sometimes heavy load our kiddos bear.

3. Be the Example of Joyful Living

Whether we like it or not, we, as parents, set the tone in our homes.  Our kids pick up on our moods, and our attitudes, and often this effects their own feelings.  Through our positive examples, our kids can learn tools for dealing with stress and busyness in a healthy way.  What are some specific ways we can be an example of joyful living? 

When we feel overloaded or overtired, we can take five.  Learning to take a break, step away from the busyness for a few minutes to breathe, read, or rest, is an important life skill for our kids to learn. 

We can turn on music to give ourselves an emotional boost, and added energy to accomplish the days demands.  It's amazing how dancing along to our favorite tunes can bring a smile to our faces, and take the drudgery out of sweeping, or doing the dishes.

This is not to say that we have to be perfect.  It's ok for our kids to see us mess up, regroup, and try again. 

4. It's the Quality of the Day, Not the Busyness, That Really Matters

It's easy to feel like the faster we go, the more activities we can squeeze into our day, the more successful and happy we will be.  The truth is, sometimes less is more.  We can teach our kids that we don't have to be busy to have a productive day. 

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, and apostle in the LDS church, captured this truth beautifully.  He said,

"Isn’t it true that we often get so busy? And, sad to say, we often even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, were an accomplishment or sign of a superior life"

What would our children gain if we taught them that the sheer amount of activities in their day wasn't what was important.  What if we taught them that a day spent snuggled up in a blanket, reading a good book, could be just as important and successful as a day spent running from one activity to the next.

5. Free Time To Play

When we keep our kids moving from sun up to sun down, we deny them of a critically important component of childhood...free time and play.  Allowing our kids time to themselves to think, play, wonder, and imagine, is not only extremely important in fostering creativity, but gives them much needed time to rest, renew, and find balance in their busy days.  A little bit of time, time with absolutely nothing scheduled, time where they have the freedom to spend it how they like, this is an important gift for a busy kid!  Allowing for some free time every day will keep our kids from feeling run down and exhausted, and give them renewed energy and excitement about all the lessons, and activities, and maybe even their homework.

It's not hard to help our kids find joy.  Joy is abundant, the trick is to slow down and notice.

Today's a new day; let's make it purposeful!
Kara

Bake Away The Blues

Well, it's still January, and I still hate it.

I've written my resolutions, and I'm plugging along, persistently, yet patiently, in the direction of those goals, but I need something more to get me through this long and gloomy month. 

I'm pretty sure that a brownie, or a giant piece of cake would cheer me up, but unfortunately, I just made a resolution not to eat those.  Baking, however, is the perfect choice for beating the January blues.

                                                                             ("I Love Baking", foxnews.com)

Baking can make you happy.  It's true!  But, believe it or not, it's not so much the indulging on cookies and cupcakes when the timer goes off, as it is the process of baking, that can help to bring comfort and peace, when we're feeling low.  There's something beautiful and innately cheerful, about the simple act of combining the flour and the sugar, or cracking in the eggs, or punching down the dough, and shaping it into the perfect loaf. 

I read a fantastic article called, "5 Reasons Baking is Good For Mental Health" (www.goodnet.org), that highlighted some of the reasons why baking  is so effective at boosting your mood.

1.  "Cooking is Meditative"

When you're baking, your mind is so focused on measuring out exactly 1 cup of flour, or a Tablespoon of cinnamon or vanilla, that little room is left for negative thoughts to linger.  Kneading the dough or measuring out the muffin batter into the pan, helps keep our minds busy and engaged. 

2.  "Baking Stimulates the Senses"

Baking is definitely an activity steeped in smells and sounds and tastes and textures.  Smelling the cookies baking in the oven, mixing the cold butter into the flour with your fingers to make a pie crust,
and even the sound of the mixer beating the egg whites, all help to awaken our faculties, and "increase feel-good endorphins".

3.  "Nourishing Activities Feel Good"

Knowing that the effort we're making to bake something yummy for someone we love, something to nourish their body, or in the case of brownies, their soul, brings us joy. 

4.  "Baking is Creative"

I'm a big believer that, as this article points out, there is a "strong connection between creative expression and overall wellbeing."  Creating something beautiful feels amazing!  Think how proud you'll feel when your loaf of bread looks just as perfect as the loaves you saw lining the shelves of a French Patisserie on your vacation, or when you master a perfect buttercream rose on the top of your cake. 

5.  "Make Other People Happy"

Now that you've spent your day happily whipping up batch after batch of tasty treats, if you still want any shot at keeping those resolutions, most likely you give away some of those tempting treats to your friends or coworkers, or neighbors.  Who wouldn't love being surprised by a homemade cinnamon roll, or a loaf of Banana Bread?  And as we all know, inevitably, when we give a little bit of love to someone else, we end up feeling amazing ourselves.

Just 19 days left of January to endure.  We've got this!  Just break out the bread pans and the mixing bowls, and you'll be making Valentines cookies before you know it!

Happy Baking!  Literally.

Today's a new day;  let's make it purposeful!
Kara

A New Way to Look at New Year's Resolutions

I've never liked January.  What's to like?  Christmas with all it's warmth and light and fun is packed away in red and green plastic totes until next year.  You no longer have a good excuse to eat just one more cookie or piece of fudge, and worst of all, the radio stations have swapped out Sinatra singing "Silent Night", for Bieber singing, "Baby". 

As much as I dislike this cold and dismal month, I have always appreciated the tradition of making resolutions that comes along with the rolling around of a new year.  I've always loved the opportunity to write down on paper the best version of myself, the self I aim to be.  I love the hope, realistic or not, that goal by goal, day by day, I can improve and learn and become a better me.  Isn't it a beautiful thing to know that despite past mistakes, (you know, mistakes like giving up on blogging for several months), "tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it."
(L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables)

Benjamin Franklin, the very embodiment of resoluteness, (See his famous 13 virtues), is known to have said:

"How few there are who have courage enough to own their faults, or resolution enough to mend them." 

As with most things that came out of Benjamin Franklin's mouth, I can see the wisdom in what he says.  I am a little baffled however, at the idea that it takes courage to own up to one's faults.  In my experience, I've always felt like my faults were so glaringly apparent, that whether I am courageous or not, there is no denying that I am the owner of many.  The "resolution to mend" our faults, I have to agree, takes a heap of courage.

Most of us are really good at making resolutions to eat healthier, run a marathon, or to learn to play the piano, but less effective at accomplishing these goals.  Often we feel the exhilaration that comes with our new ambitions, we move forward with the best of intentions, only to pitter out and give up when things get tough. 

Why is it so easy to give up?

Could it be because we are taking the wrong approach?  I think that our trouble with keeping resolutions comes because we expect too much, too soon.  Becoming our best selves is a process, a journey, not a giant leap, to success.  It's ok, on a journey, to sometimes get side-tracked, or stop to rest a while, as long as we continue to correct our course, get back on the path, and as long as we never, ever, give up. 

I'm a big believer in dreaming big, and setting our sights high, but setting a lofty resolution like say, sewing a new dress, is a process.  Don't be discouraged if it's difficult to make a new dress.  Growing and learning are hard.  Break down your goal into attainable, small steps.  Start by learning to thread the sewing machine.  Next learn how to read a pattern.  Talk to friends and family love to sew.  Watch YouTube videos, check out a book from the library, don't be afraid to rip out the stitches when you make a mistake and try again. 

One small step at a time in the right direction is progress and success!

So get out there my friends!  Chase after those goals to read Dickens, learn to play Chess, knit a sweater, or play more tennis.  Remember to be patient with yourself as you move step by step toward your best self.

Today's a new day; let's make it purposeful!
Kara

The Sara Moulton Motivation

"It is not enough to be busy; so are the ants.  The question is: What are we busy about?" 
Henry David Thoreau 

Lately I've felt a little swallowed up by my daily routine.  You know how it goes...another day, another sink full of dirty dishes, another pile of laundry to fold, another meal to prepare.  One day feels pretty much like the next.  I've let busyness push out my pursuit of the purposeful. 

I've been so caught up in getting things done, that I've forgotten about the higher ideal of getting things done well. 

Life has a way of gently reminding us what is most important. 

My gentle reminder, this time, came in the form of a professional chef, a conversation, and an expensive cookbook.

A few days ago, I learned that a local kitchen supply store would be hosting one of my favorite chefs, who was on tour promoting her new cookbook...Sara Moulton!  I remember watching her show years ago, "Sara's Weeknight Meals", and instantly liking this very easy-going, smiling, chef, who had a gift for taking the intimidation out of cooking.  Sara Moulton was going to be just a few minutes from my house!  I had to go. 

I knew that this was a book signing, but buying a new cookbook wasn't exactly written in the week's budget.  I planned on saying a quick hello, snapping a picture, and heading out. 

When my husband, (who I dragged along with me), and I walked through the door of the store, we were immediately greeted by the question, "Are you here for the book signing?"  And then, handing me a copy of the cookbook, "Great, we'll get you set up." 

With new cookbook in hand, I headed toward the smiling face in a blue chef's coat.  I handed Sara my book for her to sign, and then blundered off something about how I was a big fan, and so excited to meet her.  She was kind and personable, and didn't seem to notice how I had become suddenly nervous and star struck.  She asked me what I liked to cook.  I told her how lately I had been pushing myself a little, to try new things that were intimidating for me, like soufflés and croissants.  (See 30 Day Challenge, Day 21).  She seemed impressed with my culinary ambitions, and we talked easily about cooking, my family, and how she thought I must be a glutton for punishment to have six kids.  She signed my cookbook, was gracious enough to take a quick picture with me, and I walked away feeling something different than I felt when I walked in the door.  Flipping through the cookbook, with photographs of beautiful, delicious, healthy food, I realized what that feeling was.  It was excitement, it was motivation, it was a zeal for cooking that I haven't felt in a while. 

Suddenly, I felt the heaviness of my daily routine slough off, and I felt renewed.  A few minutes with Sara Moulton, and a new cookbook I couldn't afford, was all it took to remind me that the daily grind doesn't have to drag us down.  Life can be full and beautiful and delicious, if we make it that way.

I started thinking about my recent adventures with the soufflé and croissants.  I thought of my earlier blog post on the importance of family dinners.  I realized that family dinners were one area that had definitely fallen under neglect with my recent struggle with the routine.  I had let family dinners become a burden, forgetting the power that a good meal has to bring families together. 

Flipping through my new beautiful cookbook, tempting and intriguing recipes like, "Stuffed Egg Roulade", "Portobello Cheesesteaks", and "Butternut Squash, Chestnut, and Gruyere Crostata", caught my interest.  When was the last time I had cooked a meal with heart?  I determined right then that it was time to take back my family dinners.  It was time for another challenge.  NOT a 30 day challenge.  I learned my lesson.  This challenge would be to put my heart into the family dinner again, by making time at least once a week for a real meal.  In the spirit of "Julie and Julia", I determined to challenge myself with the recipes from Sara's new cookbook.  (Sara and Kara?)

I have to pause here to make it perfectly clear that as much as I believe in the power of a good healthy meal, I absolutely also believe that there is no shame in sometimes having cereal for dinner.  We're all busy.  The idea behind this challenge is to remind us that a little shifting of our energy and our focus can help us remember what is most important, not to make us feel guilty for not putting a
restaurant quality meal on te table every night.

So my friends, stay tuned for the results of a return to cooking with heart.  Once a week, for the next four weeks, I'll put a little extra love and time into a real, home-cooked, family meal.  I can't wait to see how a little extra effort to make life more purposeful will affect my family, our health, our spirits, and our hearts.


Today's a new day; let's make it purposeful!
Kara







 

Why Mozart Sounds Like A Picnic in the Summertime, and Beethoven Sounds Like a Dancing Fairy, and Why That is A Very Good Thing

It seems to be the inevitable fate of every busy parent, to spend a significant portion of most days confined to our cars.  Between carpools to and from school, trips to the grocery store, the post office, the park, dropping off kids at a friends house, another trip to the grocery store for the bread you forgot the first time, doctor appointments, dentist appointments, and concerts and lessons and practices, we become pretty familiar with the inside of our minivans,  (or giant, green, Excursions, as the case may be.)

With all the time I spend in my car, listening to music on the radio is a definite sanity saver.  I love singing along to my favorite songs, but to find my favorite tunes, I have to wade through a sea of commercials for shoe inserts or mattresses, and way too many songs that overuse the word, "baby".  When I just can't take it anymore, I hit the number one preset on my radio, and find some solace in Schubert or Stravinsky.

My kids haven't always been happy with my fallback choice of classical music.  Loud, exaggerated sighs and the word, "boring", have often been used to express their displeasure.  Lately however, I have been pleasantly surprised by a change in my kids attitude toward classical music.  This positive change didn't come about because I took them to the symphony, (although this is a great idea), or because I subjected them to long lectures on the virtues of classical music.  My kids have learned to appreciate classical music because of a game. 

One day, driving with a car full of kids, I turned on the classical station, and spontaneously asked my kids, "What does this song make you feel?  What do you think of when you hear this song?"  My kids paused, and listened, and then came up with answers like:  "This sounds like a fairy dancing in the rain", or "This sounds like a marching band", and my favorite, "This sounds like when Perry the Platypus had to walk away from Phineas and Ferb."  Once this game was started, it became natural and easy to ask follow up questions like, "Does this sound sad, or just peaceful?  Why do you think the music changes so much throughout the song.  What do you think the composer was thinking when he wrote this piece?"  I don't think my kids realized that they were learning anything, but they did quickly realize that classical music was actually pretty cool. 

A few days ago, after loading up my kids in the car, I heard the most beautiful words that I have ever heard..."Mom, turn on the classical music!" 

I'm excited about the lessons my kids have learned through their new favorite game, but I'm even more excited about the lessons I've been learning...Some of the greatest teaching opportunities come through taking advantage of everyday moments, and allowing for spontaneous and unrehearsed conversation can sometimes be the best way to connect with and teach our families. 

Today's a new day, let's make it purposeful!
Kara