Mindfulness For a Happier Thanksgiving

I don't know if I can wait another day until Thanksgiving! Already, visions of sweet potato casserole and pumpkin pie are dancing in my head. If I had to make a list, right this minute, of all that I am thankful for, Thanksgiving Day itself would be right on top. I love everything about this holiday rooted in celebrating our blessings and showing love and gratitude to friends and family in my very favorite way: cooking and sharing really delicious food. As much as I look forward to this holiday every year, I am often guilty of giving so much of my attention and energy to the preparations for the celebration, (shopping, cooking, cleaning, decorating...), that I am too absorbed in the details to notice and appreciate the abundant, simple, happy moments that this day brings.

This year, I'm determined not to get lost in the details! What can we do to really be present in our holiday celebrations this year, to notice and feel and appreciate all the goodness around us, when we still have potatoes to mash, and turkey shaped place cards to make?

What if we practiced a little mindfulness this Thanksgiving?

You know, mindfulness...being present in the present. Noticing what you are feeling, seeing, tasting, touching...making a conscious decision to slow down the rushed, routine, thoughtless, way of cruising through our day, and to really notice and appreciate.

Thich Nhat Hanh captured mindfulness perfectly when he said, "Live the actual moment. Only this actual moment is life."

Here are some simple mindfulness ideas that I'm going to give a try this Thanksgiving. Try them too, and I'll bet that you will notice an abundance of reasons to be truly thankful this year.

A Mindful Thanksgiving

-When you're stuck in the kitchen peeling potatoes, or rolling out pie crust, resist the natural instinct to plow through, intent on finishing the task, and instead, really notice the process. Notice the bright orange of the sweet potato, or the spicy, warm, scent of cinnamon. Notice how the bread dough feels between your fingers as you knead it. Tune into the moment and appreciate it for exactly what it is.

-Be present in conversations. Take advantage of having friends and family gathered near, and really engage in conversation. Make eye contact. Really listen. Don't let the dishes, or your cell phone, divide your attention.

-Take time on this day of thankfulness, to focus on all you have to be thankful for. Make a list, in your mind, or on paper, of the little things, (and big), that make your life happy: The bright orange leaves on the tree in your backyard, your favorite sweater, kind words, apple pie, laughter, home, family. Thinking of your blessings will turn your mind to what this holiday is all about, and keep you from focusing too much on less important things. Plus, if you take time to be grateful, you will have a happier holiday! It's true! Gratitude fosters happiness.

I read about a study done by Dr. Robert Emmons, a professor of Psychology at UC Davis in California. He studied over 1,000 people, asking some participants to write down five things that they were grateful for every day, and the rest to write down five difficult things, or "hassles", that they had dealt with in their day. Just the simple act of turning their focus from the bad, to the good things that happened each day, the group who wrote a gratitude list each day were shown to have, " a 25 percent improvement in overall health and wellbeing in comparison with the group focusing on what had gone wrong each day." ("8 Wellbeing Benefits of Practicing Gratitude", londonmindful.com)

All right, I'm ready for the most memorable and happy Thanksgiving yet! I'm armed with a killer recipe for creamed corn, my family, some seriously cute decorations, and a little mindfulness.

Today's a new day; let's make it purposeful!
Kara



 (For more ideas on what you can do to focus on gratitude this Thanksgiving, check out this cool podcast, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/podcasts/item/gratitude_practices

The Power of Everyday Traditions to Strengthen Families

As is often the case, when pots of colorful mums and everything pumpkin spice, give way to peppermint ice-cream and my Pandora Christmas station playing continuously, my thoughts turn to all that makes the holiday season so memorable and special: gratitude for all the gifts of life, service, love, family, and tradition.

You know that Dickens inspired saying, "We should celebrate Christmas in our hearts all year long"? I've been thinking a little along those lines. Holiday traditions add meaning to our celebrations, unite friends and family, and inspire lasting memories. Why do we limit traditions to a select few special occasions? Why not bring traditions, with all their memory-making power, to our everyday?

I know that none of us have a lot of extra time in our daily schedules to work in elaborate, or time-consuming traditions. It's ridiculous to think of trying to carve pumpkins, or decorate gingerbread houses every Tuesday night. These traditions are great, but there's a reason we limit them to once a year...they're a lot of work!

The beauty of a daily tradition is, the simpler the better! The point is to find daily ways to show love, make memories, and connect with our families, not to spend a lot of time, energy, or money. (None of which I usually have a lot of. 😊)

It's easier than you think! Here are a few of the happy, extremely simple, ways I've found to work tradition into my family's everyday.

Cereal??

If you know me at all, you know I have a thing for cereal. Maybe this love took root as a kid, fishing free prizes of plastic spoons with Tony the Tiger handles, or secret decoder rings, out of the boxes before my brothers found them. I know this love grew as a busy college student, surviving off a steady diet of this super quick and easy meal. I've always loved cereal. Movies are more fun with a bowl of cereal. What is the perfect post-workout food, comfort food, and bedtime snack...cereal, of course.

Some of my kids have found a similar appreciation for cereal.

A few days ago I was talking with my oldest daughter, away at college. She was feeling a little overwhelmed with classes, and her busy schedule, and the number of days on the calendar before Christmas break. It's tough to comfort your kid from 2,000 miles away! So, I thought of something familiar, something that connects us, and might make home seem a little less far away for her. As silly as it sounds, that day, cereal was the answer.

We both broke out bowls and spoons, and Special K, and ate a few bites together over Skype. It was simple, kind of ridiculous, and exactly what she needed. Tradition is powerful stuff!

Family Room Yoga

Sometimes as our kids get older and their interests change, it can be a little tricky to find ways to connect. I remember freaking out a little when suddenly One Direction and iPhones were way cooler than playing at the park and Cyberchase. I wasn't sure how to stay close and connected with teenagers?! I had never raised one of those before!

Then one day we discovered free workout videos that came with our cable TV On Demand. I don't remember how it started exactly. Maybe I tried a Yoga video, and my girls were curious and joined in. Pretty soon we found our favorite workouts, and new one's to try. We started motivating each other to exercise more, and looking forward to those Saturdays, or summer mornings, working out together. There was a lot of laughing at how much less cool we looked attempting humble warrior, than the instructor, and at how noisy our cracking knees were every time we attempted a squat or a lunge. Our favorite part of every workout was by far the totally necessary post-workout snack.

This tradition started 5 or 6 years ago, and still, whenever the three of us are all at home together, one of us will inevitably say, "We should do a workout!"

Pass it Down

Most of us have a favorite Christmas tradition or two that we loved as a kid, and have passed down to our own families. What about the smaller, meaningful, daily, memories you might have from childhood? When you share simple, significant, experiences from your childhood, you can connect generations, and pass on an an appreciation for things that were important to you as a kid.

It's so interesting to me, looking back, that it was the small and simple things that meant the most. Why do I attempt to can peaches and tomatoes, even though I am secretly terrified that I will give my whole family botulism? It's an attempt to recreate for my kids, those happy memories of that syrupy sweet, heavy, smell of peaches filling the house, and the bright, sunny, mason jars lining the shelves afterwards.

Why does my husband give up a night of peaceful sleep in his own bed, and instead lug sleeping bags and pillows out to the trampoline, and spend the night with bouncy, excited, talkative kids? First, it's because he is a way better sport than I am, and second, because I've told my kids of my happy memories of my dad giving into our incessant begging, and agreeing to sleep on the trampoline with us, so we could point out all the constellations we knew, and fall asleep to the sounds of our neighbors sprinkler and crickets.

Why wait until Christmas? Break out some everyday traditions now! I'll bet that you probably already have a few sweet, daily traditions that you didn't even realize you had. Maybe reading to your kids at night before bed, or a hug and an encouraging word before the kids head off to school, or brownies every Sunday. It doesn't take much! Look for simple ways that you can show love and connect with your family every day.

Today's a new day; let's make it purposeful!
Kara

Joy is Strength

Lately I've come to know a brand new emotion. I'm just taking a guess here, but I'll bet that you might have felt it too. 

With all the turmoil, devastation, corruption, loss, heartache, hate, anger, fear, and sadness that the world has experienced to the extreme in the last several months, my heart has ached, and my mind struggled, to make sense of it all. I've begun to feel like it was almost wrong to allow myself to be cheerful and happy when so many were hurting. 

How could I continue on in the relative peace and ease of my daily life, while so many were suffering? 

The easy optimism that I have generally known all my life has begun to be insufficient for such large scale problems. Earthquakes, fires, hurricanes, hunger, hopelessness, unimaginable violence and hatred. It just keeps coming and there's not a whole lot that I can do to fix things. These thoughts press down heavily on my mind.

Lately hope is pretty hard to come by.

I know deep down that it can't be right to let the darkness snuff out all of the light and goodness that I have seen so many times in the world. What about beauty and love? What about kindness, culture, friendship, and goodness in all it's abundant forms? How can I feel real sorrow and sympathy for all the heartache in the world, and still find joy and hope in my own life?

I look to some of history's most brilliant minds, and noble hearts, for a little inspiration. How have others carried on and stayed strong when the world seemed a scary place.

Here is some of the strength of the ages! In no particular order, some of my favorite quotes from some pretty amazing souls. Write them down! Say them over and over! Memorize these words! Cross-stitch them on a pillow! Whatever will help. : )

"Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." Gordon B. Hinkley

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” 
Eleanor Roosevelt

“We should ask God to increase our hope when it is small, awaken it when it is dormant, confirm it when it is wavering, strengthen it when it is weak, and raise it up when it is overthrown.” 
John Calvin

“Joy is strength.” 
Mother Teresa

                                                                                   (photo source: biography.com)

“God expects you to have enough faith and determination and enough trust in Him to keep moving, keep living, keep rejoicing. In fact, He expects you not simply to face the future (that sounds pretty grim and stoic); He expects you to embrace and shape the future--to love it and rejoice in it and delight in your opportunities.
 Jeffrey R. Holland

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope." Martin Luther King Jr.

"Our human compassion binds us the one to the other-not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learnt to turn our common suffering into hope for the future"
Nelson Mandella

                                                                      (Photo source: Dallas Post Tribune)

"You cannot hope to build a better world without improving the individuals. To that end, each of us must work for his own improvement and, at the same time, share a general responsibility for all humanity. our particular duty being to aid those to whom we think we can be most useful."
Marie Curie

"I simply cannot build my hopes on a foundation of confusion, misery and death...I think...peace and tranquility will come again."
Anne Frank

                                                                                      (Photo source:MVC Delta)

Today's a new day; let's make it purposeful!
Kara

YOU Can Make A Difference!

From the minute we were engaged, and dreaming about our future together, Jacob and I talked about a little farmhouse on some land. A big garden, a few chickens, and lots of barefoot kids running around, exploring, digging up worms, and eating raspberries off the canes.

This was the dream.

The part about lots of barefoot kids came pretty easily, but the farmhouse and the land turned out to be a little trickier to come by. Finally, after 15 years, we found the perfect little spot. A 100 year old house on 3 acres.

We were ecstatic!

It turns out that when you are desperate to fulfill a long-awaited dream, you are likely to forget to stop and think before charging ahead full speed. After we bought the house, we realized that we just might be in over our heads.

There was A LOT of land, that was for sure. We were excited to plant trees and grass and the gigantic garden that we had dreamed of for so many years. We quickly learned however, that it takes a lot of time and money to tame all that unruly land...Much more than an busy scientist and a pregnant mom of 5 had to give.

We were quickly overwhelmed, but what was there to do but try.

We borrowed a tiller from a friend, and plowed up an ambitiously large, (too ambitious, we soon learned), plot of land for a garden. We had been waiting years for this garden, and we got a little crazy with the seed catalog. We planted peas, carrots, beets, pumpkins, corn, zucchini, tomatoes, cucumbers, spinach, and sunflowers.



















In no time, with the help of Colorado's seasonal monsoon rainstorms, the garden took off. Everything was growing like weeds, especially the weeds.

Jacob and I spent hours almost every day in the garden, working furiously just to keep the weeds down. We pulled and pulled and hoed and hoed until our hands blistered, and still, we couldn't keep the weeds at bay. The garden was just too big, and the weeds were just too pervasive. There was no possible way to win this battle. The weeds in one part of the garden grew 5 feet tall! We would weed the spinach one day, and the next day when we came out to weed the tomatoes, the spinach needed weeding again.

It felt hopeless.

We didn't quit. We kept weeding and tending our garden, because we knew that if we stopped, the weeds would take over completely.

Some days I felt like I was barely making a difference. But I WAS making a difference, and I was being changed in the process too! All that time outside, working in the sunshine and fresh air, made me stronger, happier, more at peace, and my whole family was benefiting from the homegrown produce.

That was a really long story about gardening for a post that has nothing to do with gardening, but is instead about staying hopeful when things look overwhelmingly grim, about giving all you've got to make things better, even when all you've got doesn't seem like very much, about realizing that one person, doing their part, does make a difference.

Mahatma Ghandi wisely counseled,

It's the action, not the fruit of the action, that's important. You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power, may not be in your time, that there'll be any fruit. But that doesn't mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result.”  

Do something. Keep loving and accepting and helping in the best way YOU can. Don't lose hope. Every thoughtful, conscientious, little thing you do makes a big difference.

Ghandi knew what he was talking about,

“In a gentle way, you can shake the world."

Today's a new day; let's make it purposeful!
Kara

The Local Grass is Always Greener

Julia Child once said,
                                  
"People who love to eat are always the best people" 

Julia would have really liked me. 

I love good food. I once had a Croque Madame in Belgium that was so perfect, I think I might have teared up a little, and pesto in a fancy restaurant in Spain that blew my mind, but the food that I get really excited about are fruits and vegetables. It's a miracle, actually, that I have any friends at all, with vegetables so high on my list of interests. I can't help myself. If I had to trace back my love of produce, I think it might have all started with childhood memories like picking a ripe peach off the tree in my backyard, still warm from the sun, or popping open a pod, fat with a perfect row of sweet peas, or listening to my dad stand on the front porch commiserating with a neighbor on just how successful the "cuke" crop had been that year. 

There's something sublime about fresh fruit and vegetables, "fresh", being the important word here. Have you ever picked strawberries right from the patch, sweet, flavorful, and so juicy that it stains your fingers red, and marveled at how different they tasted from the strawberries you grabbed from the grocery store? Or, think of summer barbecues made memorable by the perfect corn on the cob from your local farmer's market. You don't have to be a vegetable nerd like me to know that fresh and local produce just tastes better than blueberries from Chile, or cucumbers shipped from across the country.  

 

Buying local fruits and vegetables just makes sense. When we make an effort to buy locally, we benefit in so many ways.

1. Local produce is better for you.

Not only does the asparagus or apple from your local farmer's market trump the grocery store wannabe in looks and flavor, but it's far and away more nutritious too! 

An article on greenopedia.com, explains why:

"When we buy foods that have been grown across the country or across the world, it can take weeks or longer for that food to travel from the farm to your table. As a result, these fruits and veggies must be harvested prematurely, which prevents some of their nutrients from ever forming.

To compound the issue, foods are also treated with special gasses, which further delays their ripening (and their ability to form nutrients) in order to ensure they survive their long journey.

And since it takes so much time for the fruits and veggies to travel from the farm to your table, much of the nutritional value it did have before it was harvested has been lost by the time it reaches your plate."

2. Buying local is environmentally friendly

It's easy to see the benefits of recycling your soda cans, or walking to work instead of driving, but how does buying tomatoes from your local farmer help save the world?

Barbara Kingsolver, in her brilliant book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, makes the environmental impact clear.

“The average food item on a U.S. grocery shelf has traveled farther than most families go on their annual vacations.” 

She continues, 

“Each food items in a typical U.S. meal has traveled an average of 1,500 miles....If every U.S. citizen ate just one meal a week (any meal) composed of locally and organically raised meats and produce we would reduce our country's oil consumption by over 1.1 million barrels of oil every week.”

That's a lot of oil! Who knew that buying local lettuce from farmer field, instead of picking up a bag from the grocery store, could make such a big impact on the environment. 

3. Buying local benefits your community 

"The money that is spent with local farmers and growers all stays close to home and is reinvested with businesses and services in your community." says an article by MSU extension, called "7 Benefits of Eating Local Foods"

Farmers depend on their community's support for their livelihood. When we buy from local farms, our money stays close, benefiting our local economies.

I know that every single one of us has got a lot on our plates. I'm not touting the virtues of buying local food to give you one more reason to feel guilty, or to make your life even more complicated. I know that it can be tricky to buy a local banana, (unless you live in the jungles of Mexico), or to find local produce in December. I am just putting it out there that making a few small changes can make a big impact on our health, our environment, our community, and our taste buds. 

Today's a new day; let's make it purposeful!

Kara

Getting Serious About Happiness

"I take happiness very seriously. It is a creed, a philosophy and an objective."
Helen Keller


I take a lot of things very seriously. 

I'm serious about having abundant cereal options at all times in my pantry. I'm serious about my kids flossing their teeth, because I never again want to experience the very judgmental look our dentist shot me at our last visit. I'm serious about mayo not Miracle Whip, and Dean not Jess, on Gilmore Girls, and sleeping in on Saturday mornings. But serious about happiness? I'm not so sure.

Several years ago I read Helen Keller's autobiography, The Story of My Life. I think I've always felt some level of admiration for this woman ever since I watched the old movie, The Miracle Worker, in elementary school. After finishing this book, my admiration turned to awe and a desire to emulate, if I could, some of the character traits that made Helen such a remarkable person: Optimism, faith, kindness, conscientiousness, hope. Most of all, I noticed that she was unfailingly happy. She had a lust for life that nothing could take from her.  Helen Keller wasn't handed happiness. Her early childhood was fraught with trial and confusion and challenges. Helen sought out happiness, and found a million reasons every day to feel joy.

                                                                                                          FanPix.net


Can we find a million reasons in our lives to be happy, even when our circumstances aren't perfect? What's stopping us from feeling happy?

I would never wish to diminish the seriousness of depression or mental illness. I know that there are many conditions where just thinking positively isn't enough. I'm just hoping to suggest some everyday ways that each of us can increase our daily happiness through small changes in our perspective.

In Helen's own eloquent words:

"Keep your face to the sun and you cannot see a shadow."

Here is secret #1 to daily happiness! Focus on the good! Neither I, nor Helen, are the first to discover this secret to happiness. Seeking out the good, and positive thinking have long been touted by philosopher, poet, and Oprah Winfrey.

There is power in keeping our focus on the positive! 

I'm forever having this conversation with my six year old, who has a strong sense of injustice. I often tell her, "I know that it's tough when we're out of your favorite syrup, but friend, we're having blueberry pancakes for breakfast, and the sun is shining, there's so much to be happy about! Try to focus on the good!" 

How could making this shift to focus on the good help increase our happiness? 

What if we saw making dinner every night as an opportunity to share some love with our families, instead of the drudgery that it often becomes. What if we focused on how hard our husband or wife or children are trying, instead of on what they haven't done. What if we woke up to see each new day as an opportunity to experience beauty, and strengthen relationships, and gain knowledge, and talk and eat and work and play, instead of another day trapped in the same old schedule. 

This seems like a good segue into secret #2 - Don't get trapped in the same old schedule.

I remember the thoughts that went through my head when I was sixteen, and had my first real job at the mall. I remember standing there, twisting pretzel after pretzel, and thinking, "Is this the way it's going to be? Why am I giving SO much of my time to this meaningless job, to earn money that I don't even have time to spend. What about what I WANT to do? What about happiness?" 

This seems a little dramatic, looking back, but it raises a good point. It's pretty easy to get so caught up in the day to day, that we forget to make time to be happy. I often catch myself forgetting to come up for air. I'm in a constant rush from washing the dishes, to sweeping the floor, chopping up carrots, and running to the store for milk. I forget to sit down, all day long. I forget to stop and really look into the eyes of that little girl who's been following me around all morning. I forget that life is more than just our to do list. We all have the list. There's always going to be appointments and meetings, and chores, but don't get so focused on the small and relatively insignificant, that you can't see past it to the bigger and better.

Secret #3 - Say YES to things that make you happy!

Maybe I should clarify. This is not meant as a good excuse to be selfish, or indulgent, or to give in to anything and everything that appeals to you...eating a the whole gallon of ice-cream won't really make you happy. Instead, this secret is meant to remind us that it's not selfish to have a hobby, or to have interests, or to be happy. Make a list. What are some things that make you deep down happy? Maybe your heart aches with the beauty of a sunrise, but you're always too tired to witness one. Make it happen! Make it a priority! Schedule some happiness in your day. Maybe reading makes you feel enlightened and rested and happy, but who has time to read? Make time! Even if it's just a few minutes while you wait for a kid in a music lesson, or for the water to boil for the pasta. Maybe watching National Geographic Documentaries, or playing chess, or dates with your spouse, or listening to opera make you happy...It's not selfish to seek after happiness. Life is about so much more than just twisting pretzels all day long. Find time for the little things that make you happy.

Today's a new day; let's make it purposeful!
Kara

Summer Doesn't Have to Be Pointless: Motivating Your Kids To Put Down Their Screens

I've discovered that more often than not, when my children come to me with the complaint, "I'm bored", it's really some kind of secret kid code for, "Can I watch TV?" or, "Can I play on the computer?" I can offer them an extensive list of my most creative boredom busting ideas...paint a picture, write a story, see how many dandelions you can pick in the backyard, read a book in the hammock...nothing sparks any interest, except a screen. Helping my kids to see past the allure of screens, to the million other productive, happy, beautiful, enriching activities one can fill their day with, has been at the top of my mom priority list for a good 18 years now. I'm not perfect. Some days I give in and let my kids spend way more time staring at a screen than is healthy. I've found a method, no doubt born out of exasperation on one of those days where noses are constantly glued to screens, that is surprisingly effective at motivating my kids to abandon their screens, and spend their time in productive, healthy, ways.

Points Day

When I've had enough, when I can't take another day of incessant Peppa Pig, or Clumsy Ninja, I wake up before the kids, and make a list. I summon all my childhood memories of creative play, and make a list of as many fun, healthy, and utterly un-mind-numbing activities as I can think of. This list might look something like this:

Write a poem about summertime
Do a sneaky kind deed for someone
Draw the coolest picture ever of a dragon
Make a tower out of marshmallows and toothpicks
Practice an instrument for 10 minutes
Jump rope 100 times in a row
Read a picture book to a little sibling
Make a giant pile of pillows and read your favorite book on top
Color with sidewalk chalk in a puddle, and see what happens
Skip all the way around the house 3 times
Make a comic strip
Raid the dress up box for the most creative costume you can think of. (Dancing Super-hero Dog?)
Sincerely compliment someone
Make art out of something unexpected (ie: dried beans, pasta, leaves, pennies, etc.)
Play dough Pictionary
If you could take a trip anywhere in the world, where would you go? What would you do? What would you eat? Where would you sleep? Write it all down and read it to me.

I assign a certain number of points to each activity: one point for the quick and easy ones, two or three for the more time and thought consuming ones. I even dish out an occasional 10 points for the really tough ones. I write the "Points Day" challenge on the top of the list: "Pick whichever activities look fun to you! If you can earn 100 points by 5:00 this afternoon, you win the prize!" The prize can be whatever you think will motivate your kiddos. Our last Points Day grand prize was a walk on our favorite street downtown to get an ice-cream cone, or a cookie at the bakery, and a book at the cute used book store. It doesn't have to be expensive, or extravagant, just something novel and special. My kids have even found sufficient motivation in the slightly pathetic grand prize of lunch at Costco. When I've finished the list, I put it on the table, or the kitchen counter, or sometimes I tape it to the TV, anywhere easily spotted by the kids as they come downstairs in the morning.  I love to watch the kids discover the list. They forget all about Ash and Pikachu, and are immediately wrapped up in amassing as many points as they can! Before I know it, the house is buzzing with creative energy. Jonah is making up a song on the piano, Sophie is trying to swing higher than she ever has on the rope swing outside, and Lily is making a valiant effort to do 100 jumping jacks. Not once, all day long, do I hear the words, "I'm bored", and not once all day are my children found comatose on the couch watching TV. At the end of the day, when everyone has earned 100 points, (usually they get competitive and earn well over 100), we set off to cash in on the grand prize.

The next time the theme song to Sesame Street has you clenching your teeth, or your grow tired of the glazed look in your kid's eyes as he goes for the high score on Minecraft, consider making it a Points Day!

Share your genius with me! What are some ideas you would put on your list?

Today's a new day; let's  make it purposeful!
Kara